last november i went home for thanksgiving. i had been in country for 8 months at that point, but it felt like an eternity. i vividly remember the moment when i came through the airport and saw my family standing there, waiting for me, holding a "welcome home" sign. my eyes locked on my mom, and i can only describe the feeling in that moment as what one of my friends has termed a "love blackout." i felt a magnetic force pulling me to my mom, and when she hugged me i felt protected, safe, and relaxed all within one second. it sounds a little crazy and maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but there was an indescribable bond between us that felt whole again, even in that one hug.
flash forward to last week. i received a call at 8:30am my time, 4:30am Georgia time. my heart instantly started pounding out of my chest because my mom does not call with good news at 4:30 in the morning. as it turns out, she had experienced a stroke like event from Meniere's Disease. my mind flashed to that scene in the airport, my college graduation, birthday parties, and christmases-- good memories with my mom. thank the lord above that she is ok and in recovery now, but for a split second my mind was trying to prepare my heart for a much worse situation. i quickly and firmly told her in that conversation that i would be coming home. for good. no questions asked, and i was not discussing it. i honestly had never realized how much i loved my mom until that phone call. i always felt incredibly blessed and fortunate to have her in my life, but it wasnt until then that i confirmed she is the number one most important woman in my life. always has been, always will be. this is the woman who suffered with me, and still loves me after middle school. (God bless her). she has always put me first and taken care of me with a fierceness that never once allowed me to question how much she loved me.
truth be told, i had already been struggling with the decision to end my peace corps service early. senegal has been wearing down on me-- physically, emotionally, and spiritually for a long time. to me, this was the final sign that the right decision was to leave early. when you come into peace corps, you commit to 2 years of service. however, you can leave at any time, for whatever reason, similar to resigning from a job. i called peace corps and let them know i would be leaving due to the situation at home. i packed my bags and spent my last days in village. i said goodbye, knowing i will never see my best friends in village ever again. i often felt like i was at a loss for how to describe a situation due to the language barrier, but never as much as when i said goodbye. there were no words to tell my friends Aja and Halimatou what they meant to me and how important they were this last year and a half. my last night in village was actually kind of perfect. everyone understood that it was more important for me to be home. senegalese families are huge and filled with half brothers and sisters, multiple wives, cousins and grandparents all living in the same compound. so as an only child, they knew that my main job is to be there for my mom and also for my dad. they said, of course you cant stay here. your mother's heart is not clear with you here. when you get home, she will heal in no time! so with that, i can leave knowing that my village understands. now i am dakar, starting the process of coming home.
it is really hard to sum up one of the most formative experiences of your life. without being overly sentimental or overly jaded (as my good friend once put it to me), i will just say that the last year and a half has been heart-breakingly beautiful, incredibly frustrating, yet insanely rewarding. i feel blessed and humbled.
